Sunday Scramble: Cirque Marches On, World Domination the Goal... Texas Animal Lady Lands Behind Bars ...

UPDATE: I mistakenly reported animal trainer Barbara Hoffman as having been baned from Edinburgh, Scotland. In fact, she was baned from Edinburgh, Texas.

Hungry for Power: In Cirque du Soleil speak, says Montreal CEO Danile Lamarre, “I can easily see Cirque developing two or three new shows a year. Right now, we have 20 shows. It doesn’t matter if we have 30 or 35 shows, 40 or 50 shows.” Oh, it doesn’t? Thinks Wayne Newton -- remember him, one of many Vegas mortals reduced to warm-up act status in the selfish shadows of the Cirque juggernaut, CDS has actually reached its saturation point and is now — hold onto your seats, voyeurs of catastrophe, “on the wane, no pun intended.” Others of the envious class agree, and they might be right — what century ahead, not sure. Still, I marvel at how those Montreal magicians hatch one after another — almost — hit show for the well healed masses. Example in point: the terrifically talented and tight OVO. But, yes, But — the Criss Angel showcase, Believe, is still not a turn away smash, although, not to worry, insists Lamarre, Guy Laliberte’s right hand executive on the spot, to Las Vegas Sun reporter Steve Friess (not the guy whe runs Circus World Museum), it's just a fixable work in progress. Okay, if that's what you want to believe .. .

Angel, No Angel: This hotshot TV celeb who stars in Believe is no breeze to work with. Among his most recent unangelic tantrums, and hardly illusional were they, were obscenities “bellowed” at Perez Hilton and a trick during which, pops up the word “fagot.” More than once have Cirque officials been compelled to apologize for “the tempestuous Angel.” ... This Cirque empire is so sickeningly successful, speaking not of course for myself but for their put-upon competitors: A new touring show in the works said to tout evolution, with the image of a turtle dominating early marketing designs. Why not a clowny version of Charles Darwin's face? ... Appoint me your next director of creation ...

Hound Dog Next: Sorry to dwell on and on, but CDS keeps on giving: Once they get Viva Elvis in flight, or at least flapping like an ambitious turkey (early bum feedback reminiscent of shocking disrespect for Believe during its troubled previews), what next, the Second Coming? Beyond Elvis, Team Guy Laliberte have that semi-dead Kodak theatre in Hollywood to fill; and this month rising, they are actually taking their dreadfully reviewed vaudeville stage show, Banana Shpeell, onto a New York stage. I ask you, World, have these Montreal mavericks no fear? If this Banana slips on its own bumbling ineptitude, what an epic collapse will that be — if you’ll excuse my perverse expectations. But then again, Cirque might turn a Times Square misfortune into another — yes, Cirque du Soleil show.

Stay well and warm, baby Barack. Ringling’s one-year-young in-vitro pachyderm who sampled sawdust and applause recently in Florida, is on medical leave, suffering a disease EEHV (I will not spell it out; my spell checker would have a nervous break down). The little one, say vets, expected to survive.

Texas trainer jailed: Poor old Lone Star state, so many losers end up down there. Last was a foundering horse show from Russia; Now comes Barbara Hoffman from the Edinburgh that banned her for harboring a seedy performing barnyard numbering 60 creatures, among whom: lizards, turtles, one cougar, a wallaby (whatever that is), and the usual stripped staples. In her default digs in another Texas town, hoping to open an educational wildlife preserve for children and Winter Texans, her animals found crammed into tiny little cages, some sharing cramped quarters with Hoffman and her partner, Fred Lulling, the duo discovered sharing a close RV with about a dozen cats, a sugar glider, three guinea pigs, birds, four — count ‘em, four — boa constrictors, and, just for added Disneyesque decor, a mice in every room. Gosh, why not make that a living side show all in itself? I’d pay a buck or three to peer in at this cozy manege-a-menagerie.

Those tolerant Texas, outraged, I said outraged! And now, lady barnyard is behind bars, caged up herself and facing charges of animal cruelty. Marion County Humane Society President Caroline Wedding beside herself with pity for, to her eyes, one gruesome discovery: “The tears running down our faces when we saw these animals. I don’t see how she lived in there with them, but I really don’t’ see how these animals were surviving.” Well, Ms. Wedding, how are we to know? Maybe they were just one little happy family ... Before we leave Texas to the lossers, let’s welcome a modern day winner: Brownsville hosting the 2010 premiere of John Ringling North II’s fourth edition of Kelly Miller Circus, prepping (in the mud?) To uncork its splendors come Thursday. Ah, the beauty of the single, non franchise circus! BTW, you Ringlingphiles: Did ‘ya know that North’s first genuine import was Chinese contortionist Chung Sigh. Now you know. And here comes the Ringling-Barnum 61-car train through Decatur, Illinois. Whoo! Whoo! Jumbo lives on!


And that's a clickety click wrap ...